Chapter 18

The sound of Jun’s leg bouncing was the only thing that could be heard in the room. There was no sound of a clock, not when the one in Asuka’s office was the type that moved soundlessly in everlasting circles. Juudai had left him in Asuka’s care with a hug and a loud kiss on the cheek, Asuka grinning when she saw it. Jun’s face had been bright red.

 

The lawyer was scheduled to arrive any minute now, and waiting was driving Jun off the wall. He watched the clock on the wall intently while they waited, then started to drum his nails against the table.

 

Finally a knock could be heard on the door and a tall woman was let in by Asuka’s assistant. She introduced herself as Watanabe Hiroko and due to being a woman with a tight schedule, they got right into it. She had already been forwarded the photos Juudai had taken of his scars, so now they needed to prepare as much information and evidence as they could before they brought their case to the police. When she mentioned that they had to go to the police Jun felt like he was going to be sick, and Asuka was quick enough to shove her trash can into his lap. They had to take a break after that, and he felt his face grow hot with shame. Here he was, wasting both Watanabe and Asuka’s time, making them wait while he tried not to break into tears. His chest felt tight with fear as he sat back down in the chair next to his friend, and she took his hand.

 

This was going to be a long few hours.

 

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Honestly, he blacked out for the rest of the meeting. Everything inside his head was so jumbled up that he couldn’t remember much except the feelings of fear and anxiety. He’d spent years running away from his brothers, and now he was about to face them and try to take them to court? It was a nightmare. He longed for that happy fuzzy feeling from this morning, before this shitshow of a meeting.

 

Asuka stayed with him in her office after Watanabe left, while he lay flat on his back on the floor, with no idea how he ended up there. He stared into the ceiling, his hand in Asuka’s clammy and cold. She guided him through breathing techniques that had him struggling for some time before he could breathe smoothly again.

 

Letting go of her hand, he rolled over on his stomach to painstakingly get up on his feet and onto the couch that was standing against the wall. “I, uh. Sorry, I… I spaced out. Did I ruin everything?” 

 

“No Jun, you didn’t, don’t worry. But I think we need to get you to a therapist as soon as possible. If you don’t get help well in advance of any potential court appearance you’re not gonna be okay when it actually happens. I’ll talk to Ryo about it tonight.”

 

The thought of it made Jun’s chest feel tight with trepidation. The need to avoid any sort of mental health professional was so ingrained into his mind at this point that it made him feel like he was going to throw up again. “I’ve never… I’ve never talked to one, I don’t know… how to, how to talk to one?”

 

“You never even talked to the school counselor? High school was chaos at times, they even called in extra counselors after some of the things that happened.”

 

Jun rested his head against the backrest of the couch and closed his eyes, thinking back on what his brothers had said all his life. A heavy feeling pressed into his gut as he tried to discard what was now instinct. “I wasn’t allowed to. My brothers forbid me cus it would reflect poorly on them if it ever got out I had even a hint of mental issues. So I just avoided it entirely.”

 

Asuka hummed quietly where she sat next to him on the couch. “Your behaviour in high school makes more sense knowing they made you think that way about getting help. Don’t worry though, therapists are supposed to take things at the pace the patient is most comfortable with, and you don’t have to talk about things before you’re ready. If you want, you can talk about it with Ryo, nii-san, Syo or Daichi. Syo’s only been to family therapy though, but I’m sure he could still tell you a few things about what it’s like.”

 

“Tenjouin-san’s seen a therapist?”

 

The surprise on his face must have been plain to see, as it had Asuka chuckling, a slight but sad smile on her face. “After Nightshroud, his mind might’ve been back, but he’d still been through a lot. Especially when he duelled Ryo to try to snap him out of the whole Kaiser thing. After graduation he saw a therapist for a few years. Him and Ryo went as a couple too for a while, before they got married. Apparently he really recommends it.”

 

“Even though they were doing okay?”

 

“Yeah, it helps you get better at communicating, among other things.” She stood up, stretching with her arms up high. “Come on, I’ll drive you home. I’ve got the car in the garage.”

 

For a second his mind went to the apartment he’d left behind just a few days ago, before realising she meant Misawa’s apartment. Did this mean Misawa really  was okay with him staying a longer time? He felt a slight warmth inside his chest at the thought of a home where he could still see his friends, and maybe even live without fear one day.

 

He nodded and Asuka held out a hand to help him up on his feet. “Okay.”

 

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When they arrived at the apartment he was now sharing with Misawa, it was later than he’d expected. It was dark outside during the drive, and the apartment was quiet when he stepped inside, Asuka giving him a hug goodbye before he locked the door behind him.

 

Misawa was sitting in an armchair with a book, the only light that was on beside him to give him proper light while he read. Juudai lay snoring on the couch, Cheeseburger perched on his back, also sleeping, her little nose pressing against the brunette’s t-shirt.

 

The former Ra Yellow student gave him a friendly smile and motioned for him to join them. Jun sat down in the armchair that was still free, pulling his legs up to his chest. “You doing okay?”

 

He was going to respond with an automatic yes, but took a few moments to think about it. It was more complicated than a simple yes or no answer. “I don’t remember what happened during the meeting. I just… shut off. Asuka-kun is gonna make sure Marufuji-sempai finds me a therapist soon.”

 

Misawa nods, putting the book on his lap but leaving it open, a sign that he was listening, but wasn’t going to pressure him if he wasn’t comfortable. “She said… uh… I’ve never… talked to anyone working with mental stuff, she said… you’ve seen one?”

 

He was relieved that he didn’t have to explain why again when it’d only been a while ago since he first told Asuka about it. She was the first one he’d ever told about it, and baring so many secrets after so long, in a span of just a little over a week, was almost overwhelming. “Yes. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about how it works, if you’d like.”

 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that. Just, uh, I don’t think I can do much more talking or listening tonight though.”

 

“I understand. Just come to me whenever you want though, okay?” Relief flooded Jun’s senses. It felt like the first step toward being able to even open his mouth in the presence of a mental health professional, which was going to be its own mountain to cross, probably in just a few days time with how fast everything was moving now.

 

“Okay. I’m gonna, uh. Go to bed now.” He stood up, and gave both cat and human on the couch a nudge. Cheeseburger woke up with a chirp and let him take her in his arms. Juudai was slower to wake up, but when he did it was with a million watt smile and he lazily wrapped his arms around his waist without getting up. “Jhnnn, wec’m hoooome.” 

 

Jun’s cheeks flushed red and he pinched the brunette’s nose, Cheeseburger moving to drape over Jun’s shoulders. “Come on slacker, you’re supposed to sleep in bed, not here.”

 

“Mmkay…” Juudai moved his face to rub against his hand as if he were the sleepy cat, not Cheeseburger. After hearing Jun’s embarrassed sputtering he finally got up and let himself be dragged toward the bedroom. Jun saw the amused grin on Misawa’s face and mouthed a ‘shut up’, though it only made the grin grow bigger.

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